Saturday, December 8, 2012

My take on forgiveness.

Matthew 6: 14  For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Colossians 3: 12-14 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

God tells us to forgive one another as we are forgiven. If we do not forgive, we will not received forgiveness. Pretty simple in concept. Harder to live out.

The fact is, I will say again. I forgive.    Truly and sincerely: I forgive.

There are those who insist that I 'shut up" and "move on", I say this: I will not forget. People learn from their mistakes, forgetting them would be detrimental.  I will not claim to have read the entire Bible, but I have read a lot. Many books and sections more than once. I have yet to come across the verse that says "Forgive and Forget" or "Forgive and let your abuser be free to continue sin against you and/or others". If someone can point these passages out to me, I would appreciate the guidance. Again, living it out would be difficult.

I have tried hard to keep love in my heart for others, even those who have hurt me. I have quietly watched as one heresy is replaced with another. I have great sadness in my heart for those who are led astray. I pray:

Ephesians 1: 17-19 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might

My ultimate goal in this life is to turn my focus to God and keep it there. I will continue to praise and honor my God. My hope is to be steadfast in my faith, one day standing in the kingdom of Heaven, forgiven for all. The warmth and love of Jesus in my heart.

Matthew 24: 9-14 “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name's sake. 10 And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. 12 And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

May you have peace and joy this holiday season, knowing that we celebrate the birth of Jesus our Savior and Lord. I serve Jesus, the Lord, most high King not of this world, but of the next. He who came to bear witness to the truth, that all may be saved, not by works or words, but by belief in Him.


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Why am I still the bad guy?

So recently things have changed at Crossing Church. Wonderful. No, really, I mean it. I am thrilled (but not yet moved). I have prayed for a change in their hearts. I have prayed for biblical teaching. I have prayed for acknowledgement, repentance and drastic change in the way things are run. I am so happy for the changes!!  I hope they continue on their path to grace and righteousness.

What I don't understand...what makes the changes hurt... is that even with everything that has happened these past few weeks, those of us that spoke out against the abuse, the false teaching, the manipulation and every wrong thing we could hope to relay to the public....we are still the bad guys. We are still ostracized by attenders, being ignored by former friends (even to the point of my children no longer being allowed to play with schoolmates/friends), and blamed for the shake up. Eric is being praised as this wonderful man of God who has repented and is now leading the church into the future. Crossing Church "will never be the same because [he is] not the same". Really?  Is that because it is about him, because I thought it was "always, only about Jesus"???  There is still a problem, there is still pain. I appreciate the changes, but really Christians, are you holding your grudges?  Are you forgiving or are you going to stand by Eric no matter what and continue to follow his lead and ignore the backstories?  Are you going to continue to treat the outspoken former attenders like we have leprosy?  I am tired of my children having to suffer because of something I did.

I made the mistake of taking them to that church. I made the mistake of publicly speaking out about the wrong that I saw.  I made the mistake of trusting this 'man of God' and his leadership with the teaching of my family in the way of a false God.  I am living with my mistakes, but you know what?  We, as a family, are doing wonderful. We are blessed every day. We have love and peace in our lives. We have a solid foundation, strong values, great pastors at our new church home, a love for God that far surpasses anything I could have ever imagined two years ago.  At this point, breaking me is impossible!!


Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Just because someone says that they are sorry, do you just believe them and move on? God says we should but how are we showing our love to God by ignoring the souls that are being lost or abandoned along the way? A false teaching will not save you. A false leader will lead you down a road you should NOT want to be on.  Some say closure is good, but is that the final answer? Over and over again the Bible told us this was coming. The battle is ongoing, and I say we fight.

Acts 20:28-30
28 “So guard yourselves and God’s people. Feed and shepherd God’s flock—his church, purchased with his own blood—over which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as elders. 29 I know that false teachers, like vicious wolves, will come in among you after I leave, not sparing the flock. 30 Even some men from your own group will rise up and distort the truth in order to draw a following.
1 Timothy 4: 3-4
For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths.
Jude 1:3-4
Dear friends, I had been eagerly planning to write to you about the salvation we all share. But now I find that I must write about something else, urging you to defend the faith that God has entrusted once for all time to his holy people. I say this because some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

The Bible also tells us to rebuke fellow sinners and if they repent, forgive them.

2 Timothy 4:1-2  I solemnly urge you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching. 

Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves! “If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive

We need to fight the Devil in any way we can. We need to stay strong in our faith and shout down the evil that comes along. I will do my best to guide the lost and protect the found while I participate in this battle. I know that forgiveness is hard, forgetting is impossible, but holding onto the pain and heartache was only making me miserable.

I was able to stay strong. I have even become stronger in my faith through this past year, even without closure. I have a good support system in place to field my questions, concerns, hurts and anything else that comes up. For me, some bitterness comes through once in a while, but for the most part is gone. I don't think an apology is enough, but the forgiveness is already there. I have fought my demons (and continue to fight them daily) and know that others, even pastors, have their own battles to fight. I understand that we are all sinners and will continue to sin. I, however, will own my own decisions and know that the past choices I made were forgiven on a cross a long, long time ago.

I will continue to pray for those in BDM that are struggling and in pain. That they can find the closure they so desperately seek. That they can find peace and contentment in their hearts.

I will continue to pray that the church for people that don't do church will decide to feed the sheep that look to them for food. I will continue to pray for a radical change in their hearts to properly teach the gospel before it is too late. Eric Dykstra is showing a change of heart. Trusting it is another matter. Time will tell, but I am hoping he is moving in the right direction. I pray they are protected in their quest to turn the church into a more Biblically sound place to worship.

I will continue to just pray knowing that no matter what has happened or why, in the end, this has only made me stronger.


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Mercy and Grace

MERCY - Merriam-Webster
1  a : compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power;    b : imprisonment rather than death imposed as penalty for first-degree murder
2  a : a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion    b : a fortunate circumstance
3  : compassionate treatment of those in distress

GRACE - Merriam Webster
1  a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification     b : a virtue coming from God    c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace
2  a : approval, favor     b archaic : mercy, pardon     c : a special favor : privilege     d : disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency   e : a temporary exemption : reprieve

Mercy. I find this one so easy, yet so difficult. I find it easy to act with mercy toward some, but so hard with others. I am working on forgiveness. Moving on and not looking back with pain, guilt and regret, but looking forward with hope and gratitude to those who have helped me along the way.

Ok, God's Grace I have an easier time with. God's virtue given to us as a gift for our faith. He can do whatever He wants right? I love the idea of a loving God that will forgive, and move on. Showing His pleasure with small, everyday blessings, even in our roughest times. I am noticing it more and more all the time.

As a Christian, it is expected for us to act in kindness and love for our fellow man (something I strive for), even when they treat us with coldhearted indifference or outright animosity. I have seen so much Christian hypocrisy throughout my life, but the highest concentration was within a one year period at the Crossing. The same people that are proclaiming every weekend that they care for the broken then ignore them the other five days of the week. I pray for them to receive God's mercy and grace, to see their way back to the path of light. Living for the true and loving God that can and will wash it all away, if only they would ask it of Him. 

It has been a difficult road to relearn the truth of what God is truly saying to us. I listened to the lies, eisegesis, and manipulative blabber and tucked it away as truth. I find that I have to rethink, reread and reevaluate EVERYTHING that is now said to me, in God's name. It is a good thing. It helps me learn for myself, everything He wants me to know. I will continue to grow stronger and learn more with each passing day, but only with God's mercy and His grace.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

What is real?

As I am moving into my future with stronger faith, I can't help but look back on my journey and the paths I have taken into Christianity.  The choices that I have made, the things I have done, some because I felt they were right and some because everyone was telling me, either directly or indirectly that I should. I don't want to make the same mistakes, so I tend to avoid everything.

  • Serve your heart out vs. Sit quietly and mind your own business. 
  • Church every weekend vs. Taking a vacation once in awhile. 
  • Say hi and greet everyone, so they can be saved vs. Get in and out quick before anyone talks to you.
  • Bring everyone you can to church vs. Avoid church conversation at all costs. 

It makes me wonder how many of my choices were so far off base that I need a redo.

One thing, specifically, that bothers me is this: Was my baptism as fake as the rest of it? Think about it. I was baptized by a "prophet" (1) to whom God gave a "vision" (2) to have a congregation of 20,000. A man that has "sermons" about ways to make your life better, in the bedroom, financially, in your relationships, etc. (all pop-psychology really). All things many people are wanting to hear about (3), not things that God, through His word in the bible, wants us to know. I was baptized primarily because everyone gets baptized to prove the change they are making in their lives. I didn't fully comprehend the seriousness of what I was doing. I didn't get baptized to wash away my sin and start anew. I got baptized because I believed it would be a magical experience that would instantly change me. The whole concept at the Crossing is the more you do for God, the more He will bless you. It stands to reason that if I got baptized, He would show up, right?

I need to ponder on this a bit. I hit the brakes, did an about-face and started doing what the Bible said rather than relying on what other people said. God gave me the ability to use my OWN mind and I most certainly will take advantage of that. He gave me the ability to make my own choices, based on His guidance, not be led along on a weird magic carpet ride. Seriously, the Lord pretty much gives us permission to do backsies right?(4).

I'm dusting off my bottom and trudging along!!

At least this time it wasn't my face.


ADDENDUM:  Just to be clear, since I have had a couple inquiries, I am not interested in being re-baptized. After all, baptism itself is just a symbol of your commitment to Jesus. I will be saved by grace, through my faith. Let me say that again: I will be saved by grace, through my faith. Did you notice the period at the end. There is no "and service, works, tithing, etc" or "if you_______" or even a "but not if you are ______". Just GRACE & FAITH. 

(1)  --  Matthew 7:15  -- Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.
(2)  -- 1 John 4:1  --  Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.
(3)--  2 Timothy 4:3  --  For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.
(4)   --  Jeremiah 8:4  --  Jeremiah, say to the people, ‘This is what the LORD says: “‘When people fall down, don’t they get up again? When they discover they’re on the wrong road, don’t they turn back?"' 

Sunday, May 6, 2012


Without a trace of irony I can say I have been blessed with brilliant enemies. I owe them a great debt, because they redoubled my energies and drove me in new directions.
E. O. Wilson

The irony of today just hit me. 

My last days in the cult climaxed with me being left in my car, crying, (see my first blog) by a "pastor" at the Crossing. Today, as I left church crying, in a mad rush just to get away...a pastor followed me to my car to make sure I was OK. Even though I was in no shape to talk and couldn't look him in the eye, and he was due to preach any second - - he stood outside my car and prayed for me, wished me well and expressed care and concern over my well being. As the irony of today settles in, it makes me feel peaceful. It gives me hope that everything will really be alright.

Thank you PTS


Homonyms.....kind of.

I need to tell myself to stop and realize that things that sound the same may not always be the same. Just because it has the same title, doesn't mean it has the same meaning or evil purpose behind it.

Trigger: Sermon topic (It happened to be the same topic of the first Crossing series I ever attended)
Reaction: Try not to run like a crazed lunatic with the hounds of hell after me.
Aftermath: The crash of guilt and shame for jumping to a conclusion that, at this point, I have absolutely no reason to assume is correct. My rational mind says that I was wrong to assume and that I should hear people out and judge them based on what I have previously heard from them, but then my irrational mind is screaming "Run, they are all the same".

I took a step outside that box and realized today that if I continue to respond in irrational ways, cut myself off from friends, refuse to get close to anyone else, let triggers run my life, listen to my irrational self, then they WIN. In case anyone doesn't know, I can be a very sore loser.

At Crossing Church, it was all church focused and if you weren't church focused, you were not a good Christian. You would never be told "Well done, good and faithful servant" if you didn't serve your brains out. We were expected to cut everyone out of your life that wasn't Crossing focused, or spoke against what the church was doing or the way they did it.  We were expected to constantly try to recruit more people to come to church. At every turn, everything that you didn't do for the Crossing was something that would ultimately damn you to the burning pit. Every sermon seemed focused on one of the following:

  • Money (and how much you should be giving in order to get a blessing)
  • Bringing people to church (because they will go to hell and it will be your fault)
  • Sex (constantly having sex with your spouse is biblical or you are in sin)
  • Serving (again, if you don't serve properly or with everything you have, that one person that you didn't treat right on Sunday will have a bad experience and go to hell and it WILL be your fault)
I heard, through a fellow blogger, that Easter was a good, biblical, Christ-centered sermon. I pray that they continue down that path. Keep it up so the Crossing will change and it can be positive place for everyone. 

Since I have left Crossing, I have heard good, biblical sermons from numerous pastors. Sermon titles and the different, subtle things that are similar tend to still make me cringe. What can I do to get past this and move on? I guess only time will tell, but from here out, I am going to make an effort stop and take a moment to listen before I run.


Sunday, April 8, 2012

Just when you think it's over....

So, just when I think my life is going good and things are smooth sailing, something takes away the wind from my sails and I drift backwards into the muddied waters of my past. I've learned that they are called "Triggers". A holiday, someone's name mentioned, or someone you see, maybe a phrase or even one word that can bring back the pain, fears, regrets, or the shame.

Today it is the holiday. Remembering last year, my first Easter as a committed Christian, feeling a little strange about the way the holiday services went down, but not clearly understanding, not quite able to put my finger one what was wrong. Feeling some anguish over the fact that Jesus was ready to raise from the dead after having died for the sins of mankind and that fact was kind of glossed over, personalized into what someone else wanted to make it.

I just want to say thank you, Jesus, for all that you have done for me and I am sorry it took me so long to realize the true impact and chose to follow you.


Saturday, March 31, 2012

For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.
2 Timothy 4:2-4 

I read this and think back to a "sermon" called The End is Near at Crossing Church. I remember Eric talking about when the end comes and only 144,000 Christians left on the planet being called home to God. It got me thinking. After all is said and done and these Mega churches take over the world, will there really only be 144,000 people left that know the Real Jesus?  The thought of this makes me so sad, even out of context.

Correction:  Eric did not say that 144,000 Christians would be left on the planet being called home to God. He said "During the 21 judgements...a group of church people. 144,000 of them. These are radical church people dedicated to spreading the message of God's rescue around the rest of the planet..." The impression I had at the time was they were the only Christian's left after all the plagues and judgements.

PS Jehovah's witnesses were NOT mentioned.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

The "Code": Code content taken from their website

I am sorry, but am I the only one who feels that this code reads like his own set of commandments? Eric needs to go back to teaching biblical sermons. How much respect would be gained by him for admitting his error and moving forward on a wondrous path to redemption!?

Thou shall have no other focus before Crossing Church. Notice that finances are first? This should speak volumes to you. Then your schedule, because the more time you spend at church, the less time you have to do drugs or drink and the less money they have to pay for staff to do things. WIN-WIN.  Your talent, well, with your talent they don’t have to hire musicians, marketing or various other people to do what you will do for free.  Don't worry about your family joining up. If they become a problem you  may get a full time job out of it or even sent to the next level, after you "cut" them from your huddle.

Thou shall have no other leader since "GOD gave this vision to ERIC."  If you don’t agree with it, you disagree with GOD, therefore you are not a good Christian and you can look forward to the door in #7 hitting you in the bum on your way out. Oh, and you will go to Hell.

Thou shalt not sit on your butt not serving and bringing your friends and family. You are responsible for saving them from hell. But, I will give them part of this one. They do invade the city, but they condemn those that don't agree with their teaching. If you don’t follow #2, or memorize this “code” you will not be there for long as a leader or anything else. They do say all the time that it is always only about Jesus, even though they don't talk about His life all that much unless they are making up what they think His life and career were like. You CAN learn a lot about Eric's life.

But thou shalt not expect help when you are hurting when it isn't the weekend or a more public forum for them to help you and everyone can see it. Everyone IS welcome, and as long as you serve, tithe, follow, respect, obey leaders, (don’t you dare ever rock the boat, or ask a hard question), you will do fine. They are not there for the religious people, because religious people might actually expect Biblical teaching and guidanced.

Yes, the weekend. Don’t ever expect to get a pastor to talk to during the week, during regular office hours, or the evening for that matter.  Don’t get sick or die either, because they don’t visit the sick or do funerals, unless you are a close, personal friend or a very connected leader.

Boy, don’t they ever. They portray Jesus as a dude’s dude. Heavy rock, young, attractive, hip staff and musicians. Sex sells and if you hang around more than a service or two, he will “preach” about it. And who wouldn't want to go to a rock concert every weekend?

Thou shalt not take up any of their valuable time, if you try, bye-bye. They have no problem kicking you out or ostracizing you for anything perceived as a threat or divisive to leadership. They are correct in saying they care about bringing in more people and not worried about keeping the ones they have.  Once you are hooked, they just expect you to follow along, like sheep to the slaughter, following the warped theology all the way.

The faith of the congregants is more of a reaction to motivational speeches and fear of not following “God’s plan” for Eric’s church. If you don't agree with the plan, you are disobedient to God. If you don’t do what is asked, “you can leave”, but don’t expect God to bless you or anyone to talk to you ever again.

They hand over more than 10% or they are not allowed to be a staff member or leader. Think about that. Staff members are paying themselves to work there. Leaders are paying for their title.  I have also heard from several people how they were belittled for pledging too small of an amount for Samurai, I guess their leaders didn't teach them well on this one.  A ton of the money is used for pastors to take trips out of town, buying gift cards and food for staff and volunteers, again, tithing to pay their own benefits. No wonder finances aren't an open book. Everyone would see how much is really spent helping those in need.

They only do a few things and they DO them well. Like focus on Eric, worship Eric, follow Eric and live to serve Eric. Small groups are to discuss the weekend "sermon" not the bible or Jesus. Cellar classes are based on Eric's theology, 'nuf said.

Thou shalt covet the numbers the Furtick is getting in his church. But you, as an individual, don’t matter unless you are counted, but don’t worry they will find a way to count you, one way or another. Even if you only attend once, you are one of their saved souls. Congrats!!

They honor everyone publicly, for the most part, but privately, all your secrets are fair game and you really don't have to honor your parents, especially if you are over 18. Oh, and they expect you to honor and obey their every command. Treat Eric and Kelly with special distinction, or Eric may just “punch you in the throat”.

Really, it’s all about apprenticing to serve at church?  Read it in context. I am not even going to try explaining it, letting God do it, in his own words.
If you really and truly want to volunteer, do it. Some of their "volunteers" are the  lucky beneficiaries of hundreds of dollars in gift cards and free meals that are regularly given to "volunteers" for serving.

You bet it isn’t normal!! Ex-addicts becoming pastors with no formal training what-so-ever, people just put their name on a sign-up sheet and BOOM!!! You are a pastor?!?!? Quite frankly, I think they do take it for granted. I have a feeling What goes up, must come down.

All of the blue icons and numbered items come directly from crossing-church website, cut and pasted with my comments in between.

It is so hard to forgive and forget when those needing that forgiveness have no remorse, feel they have done nothing wrong, and continue on their same path and continue to hurt others... 

Monday, March 5, 2012

Vulnerable Adults - Help those, who may not know how to help themselves.

It has recently come to mind that people I know that have mental impairments have gone to the Crossing Church. It made me start to wonder how much money and property has been turned over by these and other susceptible people. If you have a loved one attending the Crossing church and they are considered a vulnerable adult (i.e., elderly, mentally ill, etc.) please contact the church and make them aware that person is classified as vulnerable. If they continue to take money, they are taking advantage of these at-risk people and that is against the law.

Definition of a Vulnerable Adult (taken from the State of MN website):

Subd. 21.Vulnerable adult.

(a) "Vulnerable adult" means any person 18 years of age or older who:
(1) is a resident or inpatient of a facility;
(2) receives services at or from a facility required to be licensed to serve adults under sections 245A.01 to 245A.15, except that a person receiving outpatient services for treatment of chemical dependency or mental illness, or one who is served in the Minnesota sex offender program on a court-hold order for commitment, or is committed as a sexual psychopathic personality or as a sexually dangerous person under chapter 253B, is not considered a vulnerable adult unless the person meets the requirements of clause (4);
(3) receives services from a home care provider required to be licensed under section 144A.46; or from a person or organization that exclusively offers, provides, or arranges for personal care assistance services under the medical assistance program as authorized under sections 256B.04, subdivision 16256B.0625, subdivision 19a256B.0651256B.0653 to 256B.0656, and 256B.0659; or
(4) regardless of residence or whether any type of service is received, possesses a physical or mental infirmity or other physical, mental, or emotional dysfunction:
(i) that impairs the individual's ability to provide adequately for the individual's own care without assistance, including the provision of food, shelter, clothing, health care, or supervision; and
(ii) because of the dysfunction or infirmity and the need for care or services, the individual has an impaired ability to protect the individual's self from maltreatment.
(b) For purposes of this subdivision, "care or services" means care or services for the health, safety, welfare, or maintenance of an individual.

Examples of abuse from the State of MN website:  
The act of forcing, compelling, coercing, or enticing a vulnerable adult against the vulnerable adult’s will to perform services for the advantage of another.              

... acquires possession or control of, or an interest in, funds or property of a vulnerable adult through the use of undue influence, harassment, duress, deception, or fraud; or    
... forces, compels, coerces, or entices a vulnerable adult against the vulnerable adult’s will to perform services for the profit or advantage of another.  

Sound familiar?  If you don't tithe, God will not bless you. It is a sin against Got not to tithe, you will go to Hell??  How much more coercing or enticing does a person need, when they may have the mental age of a child?? If you don't help your loved ones, who will?

God Bless them and protect them,

Sunday, March 4, 2012

My refund request letter.

To any one interested in what I said in my request for a refund, I have included my letter. Just to be clear, if you do received a refund of your contribution, make sure when you file your taxes for 2012 you check to see if it needs to be included in your taxable income.

January 19, 2012

Crossing Church
Attn:  Eric Dykstra
829 School Street
Elk River, MN  55330

Re:  Code of the Samurai

Early last year, as a member of the Crossing Church, I was implored to give above and beyond, sacrificially, in order to fund a construction project that was to begin in the fall of 2011 and be completed by the Fall of 2012. As it is now January and I see no signs of the promised expansion, I would like a refund of the money I designated to this fundraising effort. I have consulted with an attorney who suggested that I have a valid argument and should contact the Minnesota Attorney General office. At this time, I have decided to keep this dialogue between Crossing Church and myself, but I am not opposed to pursuing the matter.

 Enclosed is a list of my payments, along with the dates and check numbers, totaling $XXX.

I would appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.

Monday, February 27, 2012

I do NOT lie...

I have been asked to change my blog post by the crossing church member that signed the check so, I am correcting. I apologize if the signature caused a problem.

Monday, February 20, 2012

I got your Booty right here...

Are you talking to me? 

If so, it is just a tad too late, and maybe a little in poor taste, for you to demand it back. You see, my portion of your plunder has been returned. I have already received my refund check from your Ninja, er sorry, Samurai fundraiser. The check has been cashed, cleared the bank and used wisely elsewhere.

To be clear, for those that may not understand completely...I felt that the promises made through the Samurai fundraiser were not met and wrote to the church to request a refund. Crossing Church sent me a check, no questions asked.

They keep hurting people, and they act like it is a joke. I am not laughing.

I predict that the above series will end with the Ninja being supreme, since there is the issue of a certain Pirate Christian that does not approve of Crossing Church, but keep in mind, if the pirates and ninjas are not Christ followers, does it matter who wins?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Bait and Switch

I received an annual statement from that "church" earlier this week and then a second one today. This one offering the opportunity to sign up for "AUTO-GIVING" and a letter thanking me for my generous financial support in 2011. Evidently they have not realized that I haven't given in a long time and don't intend to give any more of my money, time, or life to their hopeless mission. 

At the crossing church, it is "Always only about" Eric, pretending it is about Jesus. Listening to so many other pastors at many area churches these past few months, I have noticed that none of the other pastors spend the "sermon" time telling stories completely about their own lives and only briefly reading the Bible or mentioning Jesus. 

Crossing church runs a Bait and Switch...They announce it is only about Jesus, get people in the door with promotional "Crap" and once you are there you get stories about Eric's life (including how hot his sex life is) and demands for money (lest ye be cursed), so that you will never again be able to afford buying your own "crap" or going on your own vacation, while he and his wife (and sometime the kids too) go somewhere out of state just about every month for "mentoring" or "conferences". I am so glad I have shed that "crap" from my life.

If you want to know about real preaching, check this out... Chris has done so much to teach me what to listen for and points out so many ways that pastors manipulate the Word. Discernment is SO important people. I recommend reading the Bible yourself and making sure what is being said in the Name of God compares properly to the Word of God.

Always, Really and Truly, Only about Jesus


Thursday, January 19, 2012


Thank you.

The sun is shining brightly today and things actually are pretty bright. I reached a turning point in the past couple of weeks and I am pretty sure that everything is going to be OK. The illumination came sort of in the same manner a light is turned on. This morning I used "Works Righteous" and "Law and Gospel" and it hit me! A year ago, I would not have understood myself!! I realized that if I hadn't gone through everything that has happened to me in the past 9 months or so, I would not have the spiritual growth that I have experienced. I would not have learned so much about discernment and I surely wouldn't have been reading the Bible as much.  It may sound cliche but, Thank you God for bringing me to it and through it.....I am now absolutely certain it is all for Your greater good.



Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Year, New Rules

If last year someone told me what my life would be like right now, I probably would have laughed at them. I was happy as could be!! I had a happy family, a lot of great volunteer opportunities at my wonderful church, new friends at that church, and things were going great! I have never been prone to depression. I had a week or two of post-partum with one of the kids, but otherwise happy. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this lately, trying to pinpoint when things changed. At what point did I flip the switch from happy to sad.  I don't think there WAS a specific point. I think it must have started gradually, when I started to realize that it was all fake and nobody was there to convince me either way. My new "friends" at church were either disappearing or changing in ways that sometimes made me uncomfortable to be around them. As much preaching as there was to not gossip, there sure was a lot of it going on. People I served with would put down other people that served with us, back stabbing constantly. I heard some people sharing things that had been talked about at recovery meetings, things that were supposed to be confidential. I had one woman at my home for a fund-raising party take me off to the side to tell me I needed to pray for someone that we both knew because the other woman was having a mental breakdown. At that time I didn't realize anyone that left, got kicked out or had issues with the church was labeled mentally unstable. Now I see that we make it so easy for them to label us that way. As I lost my faith in Jesus and the Crossing, I felt like I was losing my mind and didn't know where to turn. I was stumbling around lost and confused. I mistakenly believed so many things they had told me, thought they were going to be there for me, like a family, I served my heart out for them in the name of Jesus because we could rest when we get to heaven right? Now, it feels almost as if a large portion of my family and many of my friends died in a sudden accident. It felt like someone who loved and cared for me suddenly threw me out of a moving car and didn't look back. Poof!  Overnight they are gone. Some people think that PTSD stems from violence, but that is not necessarily true. It can be the result of mental abuse, manipulation or a sudden dramatic change in your life such as a death. I feel like I went through all of these this past year.

My resolutions for the new year:

  • I resolve to try to be more understanding of other people in their moment of need, doing my best to be the listening ear of anyone who reaches out to me for help, no matter how small or large their need. 
  • I resolve to try to be the kind of person that no matter what is going on, I can be counted on to be consistent in my words and deeds.
  • I resolve to live my life for the real Jesus, not "frat boy" or "block layer" Jesus.
  • I resolve to find a church that is not "radical" or "relevant". A church that will not pressure me to give my house, car or 401K, "cut" all my jacked-up friends from my "huddle", or submit to the pastors rather than Jesus, all while predicting "the end is near". A church that will shepard it's flock WHILE trying to help the people that are still wandering without Jesus. A place that I can move ahead at my own pace, putting in one toe at a time, if I so choose.

This is a new year and I choose to live by new rules. They all come in one handy Book.