Thursday, January 31, 2013

On second thought.....

I have learned a lot over the past couple of weeks, and it isn't good.  Here is what I have learned:

1.) I haven't fully forgiven past sins against me, even though I thought I had.
2.) I still can't bring myself to fully trust Christians.

Two things may not seem like a lot, but to me, these two things pack quite the punch. 

Forgiveness.  No matter how much I felt at peace with my distant past and thought I had offered forgiveness, without being asked or acknowledgement of the inflicted pain, I haven't completely let it go.  Something bad happened to someone that had hurt me terribly, many years ago.  I was incredibly grieved when I realized that one of my first thoughts was not for their well being, but one single word. Karma. I instantly felt guilt for thinking it, but it was there. Satan playing in my head. Making me doubt myself on all of the other forgiveness I have offered throughout my life.  Will something else come up that makes me cringe and deny myself the peace of knowing I have forgiven the trespasses of others?   It is a good thing that God forgives me, because I am having a hard time forgiving myself.

And ...... another person hurt at Crossing Church met with Eric.  I have to admit, I was jealous. Why did he pick her, out of all of the people speaking out against him and his church? There were many of us damaged, but she is one that had not moved past a lot of her anger. Maybe he (or maybe it was God) thought that she needed that meeting the most. I don't know, but it made me think about my own forgiveness toward those at Crossing Church. John and Tracy for ignoring my pain, Eric for ignoring my theological questions (because staff blocked every attempt to ask them), Diane for telling me not to bother coming to CR if I didn't follow her demands, etc. Have I really forgiven them? I feel like I have, I feel like I have moved past it all. Again, I guess time will really tell. If I run into one of them, I will let you know. ;)

I do have to remind myself occasionally that just because I have given forgiveness does not mean I have to give up my right to tell anyone that will listen that what they are doing at Crossing Church is not in line with the Bible. It is a willing service to the Lord I adore. Giving up is not acceptable to me until they stop.

Trust. Wow.  I can't even begin. That is a story for another day.....


  1. When is the last time you've been to the Crossing? Are they still UN-biblical? How do you know this? Why do you label them as a cult? Do you think that you are helping anyone? What about your own family? Is your dwelling helping them? Read all of your blogs. Still can't tell why you are holding such a grudge. The people that I hear of that I believe were really spiritually abused, were in it for years. I have to say don't know of many people that have been this "abused" in that short of time at a church. Not to say it didn't really happen. You say this happened in the course of a year. That's like what...52 hours maybe 100 if you help out every weekend. Your story seams a little selfish. Like...oh pity me.

    1. They are a cult because they are a "sellout" prosperity church which is wrong of its own. No church should be creating signs and giving out cards to people. This isn't about bringing believers in its about bringing in money. If you want to spread the word of god, speak, don't hide behind a sign and a card. Honestly Jen you can't trust all Christians because not all "Christians" follow Christ. Its pretty easy to slap the label on and call yourself a Christian yet so many "Christians" don't truly follow christs word. Don't give up on the faith, be strong and read the bible to block out these phycos that are trying to pull you away from Christ. Its the devil doings this. Also being against something you feel is wrong doesn't mean you have to accept it, I don't have to stand up and accept peoples sinful actions.

  2. Listen every weekend.
    You only have to listen to the watered down garbage to see they are not treating the Bible with respect.
    They are a cult.
    Yes, hopefully people will listen to hear and get/stay out.
    I can't answer about the family. Sorry.
    Dwelling can help, if it keeps the faith going.

    As far as the actual abuse, how long and how many times does a child have to be beaten before they are "abused", how many times do you have have to be raped for it to count as assault?
    Didn't she say she go on a mission trip? That would have been over 100 hours in one week alone.

    Yes, she is SO selfish for wanting to have a stronger faith. Shame on her, but I don't pity her. She got out. BRAVO!!

  3. Please allow me to address your questions in order:
    The last time I was at the Crossing was June of 2010 when the situation with Curtis Kennedy and One Mother’s Journey’s blog was being addressed.
    Well they are much more biblical than they were at the time of Samurai and the Submission series but still take quite a few liberties with biblical translation.
    You know by listening to the sermon and holding it up to what the bible actually says.
    They are labeled as a cult due to their forced submission tactics, control of people’s lives, kicking out of those that don’t follow the rules and not holding leadership accountable. I think things are definitely better than they were in 2010 but I do see many areas ripe for shame and potential abuse.
    Yes, I’m absolutely helping others; helping them to see what I didn’t initially see, confirming their observations, walking with them in their pain.
    My own family is much healthier and stronger being out of the Crossing.
    Is my dwelling helping them? What in hell does that even mean?
    Thanks for reading all the blogs – we love to increase our audience.
    You being able to tell why, or even if, I hold a grudge isn’t my concern.
    Glad to see you admit people were spiritually abused though your timeframes are absurd. So abuse can only happen over years? Abuse can happen in one instance, in seconds, and it can scar people for life. Are you so inane that you’d tell a rape victim “It only took 5 minutes…get over it!”
    My story is my truth and I have every right to tell it. What makes that selfish? Writing a blog is cathartic and helps me process what I went through and am seeing now. Not looking for pity in the slightest but if you choose to view it that way that’s fine. Your anonymous comments and opinions are irrelevant to my life.
    Feel free to go to my blog and share more of your thoughts - I'll enjoy it.

  4. Go back and read these blogs. Tell me where the abuse is? I really want to know... Not sure what you call abuse. Don't think anyone was kicked out for not following "rules" can you give an example? All of your blogs sound likethey are from a small group of people who are encouraging each other to waste their life on BS. If my mom was blogging about my life. I to would stay away from her. If you guys truly care about people and you really want to reach out and help people, then do it. You are just a bunch of talk. Look at your blogs, the hits you have are mostly from each other and other people that agree with you. Katie actually got a lot of hits on her first blog. (might explain why her son is not around.) Its as if you all lost your faith and you want to take others also. That's just how it looks.

    1. Do you know me?
      I'm laughing as I read this comment you have made....

      DO you know my son?
      And if you do, shame on you.
      Shame on you for knowing him and not loving him enough to get through this extremely difficult time with understanding. Any of you encouraging that young man to make amends with his family?

      Blogs? The blog began AFTER he ran out. AFTER he shut his entire family out. We did everything we could for our son.
      How dare you judge my motives and blame me for his very poor misdirected choices.

      Have a voice/opinion? Awesome.
      Get a name, find me, apparently your problem lies with me.

      Katie Kennedy
      Mother of 7

  5. Child abuse, rape? Thought we talking about something entirely different. You can't just lump it all together. Not to mention we are talking about adults who make their own choices. You can blame everyone else for the choices you made. can move on. When has dwelling on something negative for years ever helped. I can only imagine katies son would love to have his mom in his life. Bet if she stopped all this blogging about him, probably would be a good start.

  6. Wow, rapid fire questions. I will not bore you with my answers as they are similar the the comments already made. However, I will add three things. First, abuse is abuse, regardless of what type or how long and second, if you want to attack someone, why don't you attack the person you are really angry at?
    Finally, as far as losing my faith, I have to believe it only gets stronger with every attack, jumps forward further after every setback, soars higher with every blessed new supporting cast member that comes into my life.

    I thank GOD for the people that have befriended me through this and put up with me in my down times. One day, hopefully, I will be able to help them in their trials.

    1. You shouldn't give up on you path toward Christ, you got put into a bad situation with a misleading church. Lets start out at the obvious, type in the crossing church elk river, what word follows on google search? "Cult". This is a prosperity church that wants your money and other people to advertise with cards and signs ect. Its a bad way to go. I would highly recommend looking at Missouri Synod church, its not a cult, teaches directly out of the bible and doesn't stray away ever. I also never have ran into a prosperity Missouri Synod church ever and ive visited about 20 or so. Seriously give it a try they will treat you good and not tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear.

  7. The reference to rape was an analogy; nothing is being lumped together.

    First of all, you need to understand what Spiritual Abuse is. "Spiritual Abuse occurs when a leader, church or a belief system, whether well-intentioned or not, dominates, manipulates or castigates individuals through fear tactics, mind control, or some other psychological or emotional abuse."

    In every blog, and situation involving the Crossing, there was abuse by leadership, forced submission, control and/or emotional abuse. If you can't see that from reading "all the blogs" then I'm not sure any words here would help you out. Read them again. There were multiple people kicked out for reasons such as "not submitting to leadership", "causing issues between leaders" and alleged "gossip". I wasn't kicked out so I don't feel at liberty to name their names in this type of forum.

    Adults making their own choices? What fool would call an 18 year old kid an adult? So she wrote a blog in fear for her child's safety and future!? When a mother wants to protect their child they will do anything on earth. A mature adult, which an 18 year old is not, would be able to have open and honest conversation and not run away.

    And what choices did any of us make? I personally walked away from the Crossing and am thrilled by that choice! No blame here! My blog is an incredibly small portion of my life where I process the what went on there...that's all. I don't dwell on this at all but I'm still available to anyone that comes to us in need.

    As for blog hits; you don't have a clue. What you 'see' and what goes on behind the scenes can be very different.

    Do you really want answers to the questions you asked or are you just being an anonymous troll?

  8. I'd like to share a post from a Spiritual Abuse awareness site I frequent. This is from a lady who experienced Spiritual Abuse in a church. I'm hoping this helps to open your eyes to something you haven't experienced or truly understand.

    "Keep exposing!! I never would have guessed the incredible depth of hurt that those who have endured spiritual abuse go through until I experienced it myself. I am struck daily with how it has affected every aspect of my life. The feeling of solitude and alone-ness in the midst of it is crippling. I am so thankful for sites like this that let me know a.) I am not crazy. And b.) I am not alone. I don't interact much yet, but I know I will. For now I read and deeply appreciate that you all are here!"

    I'll also add that many times the abusers have good and honest intentions and don't realize they are using their power and authority to hurt and ruin peoples lives. The Crossing, and specifically its leadership, need to be accountable for their actions. That is why we continue to speak out.

  9. Let me start by saying it's not abuse to be asked to leave. It's not abuse if your son decides to get married. It's not abuse to tithe or to serve. It's not abuse if someone doesn't give you the answers your looking for. It's not abuse if you feel alone. It isn't abuse if you leave feeling hurt. If you have problems with individuals don't leave saying the church is a cult.

    As I go back and read the blogs all I see is individual isolated problems. No one even had the same problem. It's funny how your so vague as to the abuse you all experienced. Lets call it what it is. You served, tithed, got asked to leave because you were causing conflict, you son did something you didn't agree with. You didn't have to serve or tithe. (no one would have kicked you out because you didn't do this) Katie, I do not personally know you or your son. I have read both your blogs though. Yes, your blog was started after your son left. You were pissed, and rightfully so! He did something that you didn't agree with, he wouldn't listen to you. Instead of actually trying to mend your relationship you attacked the people you felt were responsible, pushing him further away. In your newest blog you talk about loving people. I know you will all defend what your doing by saying that your helping others. Your hurting people! You are doing what you claim the Crossing did to you. You just justify it by your feelings of being hurt. Yes, Jesus said love your neighbor. So do it!

    1. Name yourself. Find me privately. Dont be a coward and hide behind your anonymous name.

    2. If you are so concerned about Katie, why are you posting here, instead of one of her blogs? Why only my blog, there are others out there.

    3. ^What she said. Come to my blog anytime. Happy to have a conversation.

    4. No one was ‘asked’ to leave; they either left on their own or were kicked out. No, it’s not abuse for someone to decide to get married; it is however manipulation of a young vulnerable mind to say after a ridiculously short period of time to get married if you fear committing sexual sin. I don’t believe anyone left because “someone” didn't give them the answers they were looking for. No feeling alone isn't abuse, not sure why you are talking about one person’s action and another’s emotion, but it can be the resulting emotion after an abusive episode or period; the same with feeling hurt. They were called a cult due to their actions (see my first reply).

      So because various incidents were different in nature you consider them isolated? I felt it spoke to the pervasiveness of the abuse going on there. If you require nitty gritty details as to what happened to me before you can cast your judgment call on whether abuse occurred then lets meet. Name a place and time.

      Yes people had to serve and tithe. It was said multiple times, from the stage, that if you didn't do these things you’d need to leave. “We want your seat” – don’t you remember the Code? “We want our back door working properly.” And oh it was!

      How are we hurting people? How?

      Better yet, what do you even want? Just need to bash a bunch a hateful bloggers? Do you think you’re speaking for Jesus? (Because you’re not) You “believe God is in this”? In what?

  10. Good to know that you blame everybody he knows. As if it's everybody's fault, but your own. No one loved him enough to set him straight. Or maybe he had supportive friends. I know being his mom you may not agree with his choice, but the choice was made. They are married, I'm assuming still married. So maybe you should focus on that. Not ranting on a blog about everything that comes to mind. I believe God is in this.

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