"...will you forgive me for think, ya know, for my part, any wrong..." - Kelly Dykstra
Forgiveness was offered. Oh, the joy of knowing that you forgave, as GOD has forgiven you!! You also came so close to admitting that you may have done something wrong. So close!!
I feel that members of Crossing Church may, however, have been a little bit misled into thinking the "people who were INTENT on hurting" the church were not doing it with a purpose. Perhaps that you (as a church and it's leadership) were being targeted for no apparent reason, that the actions and deeds of the leadership had nothing to do with this. The accountability is sadly missing. I am glad you are all so "guilt free" in all of this. I hope it allows for pleasant dreams at night.
I can't speak for others, but I know what I desire as the ultimate outcome. I want to see Jesus preached every weekend, large chunks of the Bible quoted and used as intended, not twisted to suit your "vision" from GOD. I don't want to see, or hear, of any more people leaving wounded, unhealthy or uncertain in their faith, afraid to go to any other church, broken in more ways than one. You do not need to have a mega church to reach people and lead them to Christ. Let go of that goal and focus on what you have. Be true to the people that are there now and more will come to hear the true word of GOD.
I was not trying to hurt, but to open the eyes of the offenders and to prevent others from being hurt. My intent was, I would hope, noble in thought, if not always executed eloquently. My apologies, if I offended, but I am quite certain GOD has already forgiven me.
Jen
Kelly, perhaps you should practice what you preach. Actions speak louder than words.
"Humble yourself before GOD, he will lift you up." - Kelly Dykstra
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Word Power!?!?
"Jesus spoke, people were healed, demons fled, and storms were calmed." - Eric Dykstra
The main point of your own statement, Mr. Dykstra, is "Jesus spoke". Jesus has those powers. From listening to your words, if I were to believe them, I would have to be a God myself. Wouldn't that mean that I am believing in myself as a false idol? Weird. Almost as weird as blessing and cursing rice.
I can pray, I can ask for things, but ultimately it is not my words that make it so. No blessing that is spoken over me is going to mean as much as the grace earned by simply believing. No curse by any man on this earth has the power to damn me, unless Jesus himself returns and speaks it over me himself.
Ephesians 2
1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Notice there is nothing in there that says I have to bring people to church, tithe, get to work, or pour blessings out in order to get them? I also don't see anything saying that my "words have supernatural power". Sad that you take Biblical words and twist them for your own psychological manipulation.
Jeremiah 23
15 Therefore this is what the Lord Almighty says concerning the prophets: “I will make them eat bitter food and drink poisoned water, because from the prophets of Jerusalem ungodliness has spread throughout the land.” 16 This is what the Lord Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the Lord. 17 They keep saying to those who despise me, ‘The Lord says: You will have peace.’ And to all who follow the stubbornness of their hearts they say, ‘No harm will come to you.’ 18 But which of them has stood in the council of the Lord to see or to hear his word? Who has listened and heard his word? 19 See, the storm of the Lord will burst out in wrath, a whirlwind swirling down on the heads of the wicked. 20 The anger of the Lord will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart. In days to come you will understand it clearly. 21 I did not send these prophets, yet they have run with their message; I did not speak to them, yet they have prophesied. 22 But if they had stood in my council, they would have proclaimed my words to my people and would have turned them from their evil ways and from their evil deeds. 23 “Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord, “and not a God far away? 24 Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord. 25 “I have heard what the prophets say who prophesy lies in my name. They say, ‘I had a dream! I had a dream!’ 26 How long will this continue in the hearts of these lying prophets, who prophesy the delusions of their own minds? 27 They think the dreams they tell one another will make my people forget my name, just as their ancestors forgot my name through Baal worship. 28 Let the prophet who has a dream recount the dream, but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully. For what has straw to do with grain?” declares the Lord. 29 “Is not my word like fire,” declares the Lord, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?
30 “Therefore,” declares the Lord, “I am against the prophets who steal from one another words supposedly from me. 31 Yes,” declares the Lord, “I am against the prophets who wag their own tongues and yet declare, ‘The Lord declares.’ 32 Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams,” declares the Lord. “They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least,” declares the Lord.
33 “When these people, or a prophet or a priest, ask you, ‘What is the message from the Lord?’ say to them, ‘What message? I will forsake you, declares the Lord.’ 34 If a prophet or a priest or anyone else claims, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ I will punish them and their household. 35 This is what each of you keeps saying to your friends and other Israelites: ‘What is the Lord’s answer?’ or ‘What has the Lord spoken?’ 36 But you must not mention ‘a message from the Lord’ again, because each one’s word becomes their own message. So you distort the words of the living God, the Lord Almighty, our God.37 This is what you keep saying to a prophet: ‘What is the Lord’s answer to you?’ or ‘What has the Lord spoken?’ 38 Although you claim, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ this is what the Lord says: You used the words, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ even though I told you that you must not claim, ‘This is a message from the Lord.’ 39 Therefore, I will surely forget you and cast you out of my presence along with the city I gave to you and your ancestors. 40 I will bring on you everlasting disgrace—everlasting shame that will not be forgotten.”
Do you think the false prophets of today are any different? Do you think God will say, "Ah, you know, I am glad you kept it relevant to the times"?
If God doesn't change, I am pretty sure He still feels that same.
Jen
33 “When these people, or a prophet or a priest, ask you, ‘What is the message from the Lord?’ say to them, ‘What message? I will forsake you, declares the Lord.’ 34 If a prophet or a priest or anyone else claims, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ I will punish them and their household. 35 This is what each of you keeps saying to your friends and other Israelites: ‘What is the Lord’s answer?’ or ‘What has the Lord spoken?’ 36 But you must not mention ‘a message from the Lord’ again, because each one’s word becomes their own message. So you distort the words of the living God, the Lord Almighty, our God.37 This is what you keep saying to a prophet: ‘What is the Lord’s answer to you?’ or ‘What has the Lord spoken?’ 38 Although you claim, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ this is what the Lord says: You used the words, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ even though I told you that you must not claim, ‘This is a message from the Lord.’ 39 Therefore, I will surely forget you and cast you out of my presence along with the city I gave to you and your ancestors. 40 I will bring on you everlasting disgrace—everlasting shame that will not be forgotten.”
Do you think the false prophets of today are any different? Do you think God will say, "Ah, you know, I am glad you kept it relevant to the times"?
If God doesn't change, I am pretty sure He still feels that same.
Jen
Thursday, January 31, 2013
On second thought.....
I have learned a lot over the past couple of weeks, and it isn't good. Here is what I have learned:
1.) I haven't fully forgiven past sins against me, even though I thought I had.
2.) I still can't bring myself to fully trust Christians.
Two things may not seem like a lot, but to me, these two things pack quite the punch.
Forgiveness. No matter how much I felt at peace with my distant past and thought I had offered forgiveness, without being asked or acknowledgement of the inflicted pain, I haven't completely let it go. Something bad happened to someone that had hurt me terribly, many years ago. I was incredibly grieved when I realized that one of my first thoughts was not for their well being, but one single word. Karma. I instantly felt guilt for thinking it, but it was there. Satan playing in my head. Making me doubt myself on all of the other forgiveness I have offered throughout my life. Will something else come up that makes me cringe and deny myself the peace of knowing I have forgiven the trespasses of others? It is a good thing that God forgives me, because I am having a hard time forgiving myself.
And ...... another person hurt at Crossing Church met with Eric. I have to admit, I was jealous. Why did he pick her, out of all of the people speaking out against him and his church? There were many of us damaged, but she is one that had not moved past a lot of her anger. Maybe he (or maybe it was God) thought that she needed that meeting the most. I don't know, but it made me think about my own forgiveness toward those at Crossing Church. John and Tracy for ignoring my pain, Eric for ignoring my theological questions (because staff blocked every attempt to ask them), Diane for telling me not to bother coming to CR if I didn't follow her demands, etc. Have I really forgiven them? I feel like I have, I feel like I have moved past it all. Again, I guess time will really tell. If I run into one of them, I will let you know. ;)
I do have to remind myself occasionally that just because I have given forgiveness does not mean I have to give up my right to tell anyone that will listen that what they are doing at Crossing Church is not in line with the Bible. It is a willing service to the Lord I adore. Giving up is not acceptable to me until they stop.
Trust. Wow. I can't even begin. That is a story for another day.....
Saturday, December 8, 2012
My take on forgiveness.
Matthew 6: 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Colossians 3: 12-14 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
God tells us to forgive one another as we are forgiven. If we do not forgive, we will not received forgiveness. Pretty simple in concept. Harder to live out.
The fact is, I will say again. I forgive. Truly and sincerely: I forgive.
There are those who insist that I 'shut up" and "move on", I say this: I will not forget. People learn from their mistakes, forgetting them would be detrimental. I will not claim to have read the entire Bible, but I have read a lot. Many books and sections more than once. I have yet to come across the verse that says "Forgive and Forget" or "Forgive and let your abuser be free to continue sin against you and/or others". If someone can point these passages out to me, I would appreciate the guidance. Again, living it out would be difficult.
I have tried hard to keep love in my heart for others, even those who have hurt me. I have quietly watched as one heresy is replaced with another. I have great sadness in my heart for those who are led astray. I pray:
Ephesians 1: 17-19 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might
My ultimate goal in this life is to turn my focus to God and keep it there. I will continue to praise and honor my God. My hope is to be steadfast in my faith, one day standing in the kingdom of Heaven, forgiven for all. The warmth and love of Jesus in my heart.
Matthew 24: 9-14 “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name's sake. 10 And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. 12 And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.
May you have peace and joy this holiday season, knowing that we celebrate the birth of Jesus our Savior and Lord. I serve Jesus, the Lord, most high King not of this world, but of the next. He who came to bear witness to the truth, that all may be saved, not by works or words, but by belief in Him.
Jen
Colossians 3: 12-14 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
God tells us to forgive one another as we are forgiven. If we do not forgive, we will not received forgiveness. Pretty simple in concept. Harder to live out.
The fact is, I will say again. I forgive. Truly and sincerely: I forgive.
There are those who insist that I 'shut up" and "move on", I say this: I will not forget. People learn from their mistakes, forgetting them would be detrimental. I will not claim to have read the entire Bible, but I have read a lot. Many books and sections more than once. I have yet to come across the verse that says "Forgive and Forget" or "Forgive and let your abuser be free to continue sin against you and/or others". If someone can point these passages out to me, I would appreciate the guidance. Again, living it out would be difficult.
I have tried hard to keep love in my heart for others, even those who have hurt me. I have quietly watched as one heresy is replaced with another. I have great sadness in my heart for those who are led astray. I pray:
Ephesians 1: 17-19 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might
My ultimate goal in this life is to turn my focus to God and keep it there. I will continue to praise and honor my God. My hope is to be steadfast in my faith, one day standing in the kingdom of Heaven, forgiven for all. The warmth and love of Jesus in my heart.
Matthew 24: 9-14 “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name's sake. 10 And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. 12 And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.
May you have peace and joy this holiday season, knowing that we celebrate the birth of Jesus our Savior and Lord. I serve Jesus, the Lord, most high King not of this world, but of the next. He who came to bear witness to the truth, that all may be saved, not by works or words, but by belief in Him.
Jen
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Why am I still the bad guy?
So recently things have changed at Crossing Church. Wonderful. No, really, I mean it. I am thrilled (but not yet moved). I have prayed for a change in their hearts. I have prayed for biblical teaching. I have prayed for acknowledgement, repentance and drastic change in the way things are run. I am so happy for the changes!! I hope they continue on their path to grace and righteousness.
What I don't understand...what makes the changes hurt... is that even with everything that has happened these past few weeks, those of us that spoke out against the abuse, the false teaching, the manipulation and every wrong thing we could hope to relay to the public....we are still the bad guys. We are still ostracized by attenders, being ignored by former friends (even to the point of my children no longer being allowed to play with schoolmates/friends), and blamed for the shake up. Eric is being praised as this wonderful man of God who has repented and is now leading the church into the future. Crossing Church "will never be the same because [he is] not the same". Really? Is that because it is about him, because I thought it was "always, only about Jesus"??? There is still a problem, there is still pain. I appreciate the changes, but really Christians, are you holding your grudges? Are you forgiving or are you going to stand by Eric no matter what and continue to follow his lead and ignore the backstories? Are you going to continue to treat the outspoken former attenders like we have leprosy? I am tired of my children having to suffer because of something I did.
I made the mistake of taking them to that church. I made the mistake of publicly speaking out about the wrong that I saw. I made the mistake of trusting this 'man of God' and his leadership with the teaching of my family in the way of a false God. I am living with my mistakes, but you know what? We, as a family, are doing wonderful. We are blessed every day. We have love and peace in our lives. We have a solid foundation, strong values, great pastors at our new church home, a love for God that far surpasses anything I could have ever imagined two years ago. At this point, breaking me is impossible!!
Jen
What I don't understand...what makes the changes hurt... is that even with everything that has happened these past few weeks, those of us that spoke out against the abuse, the false teaching, the manipulation and every wrong thing we could hope to relay to the public....we are still the bad guys. We are still ostracized by attenders, being ignored by former friends (even to the point of my children no longer being allowed to play with schoolmates/friends), and blamed for the shake up. Eric is being praised as this wonderful man of God who has repented and is now leading the church into the future. Crossing Church "will never be the same because [he is] not the same". Really? Is that because it is about him, because I thought it was "always, only about Jesus"??? There is still a problem, there is still pain. I appreciate the changes, but really Christians, are you holding your grudges? Are you forgiving or are you going to stand by Eric no matter what and continue to follow his lead and ignore the backstories? Are you going to continue to treat the outspoken former attenders like we have leprosy? I am tired of my children having to suffer because of something I did.
I made the mistake of taking them to that church. I made the mistake of publicly speaking out about the wrong that I saw. I made the mistake of trusting this 'man of God' and his leadership with the teaching of my family in the way of a false God. I am living with my mistakes, but you know what? We, as a family, are doing wonderful. We are blessed every day. We have love and peace in our lives. We have a solid foundation, strong values, great pastors at our new church home, a love for God that far surpasses anything I could have ever imagined two years ago. At this point, breaking me is impossible!!
Jen
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Stronger
Just because someone says that they are sorry, do you just believe them and move on? God says we should but how are we showing our love to God by ignoring the souls that are being lost or abandoned along the way? A false teaching will not save you. A false leader will lead you down a road you should NOT want to be on. Some say closure is good, but is that the final answer? Over and over again the Bible told us this was coming. The battle is ongoing, and I say we fight.
Acts 20:28-30
28 “So guard yourselves and God’s people. Feed and shepherd God’s flock—his church, purchased with his own blood—over which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as elders. 29 I know that false teachers, like vicious wolves, will come in among you after I leave, not sparing the flock. 30 Even some men from your own group will rise up and distort the truth in order to draw a following.
3 Dear friends, I had been eagerly planning to write to you about the salvation we all share. But now I find that I must write about something else, urging you to defend the faith that God has entrusted once for all time to his holy people. 4 I say this because some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.
The Bible also tells us to rebuke fellow sinners and if they repent, forgive them.
2 Timothy 4:1-2 I solemnly urge you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: 2 Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.
Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves! “If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive."
We need to fight the Devil in any way we can. We need to stay strong in our faith and shout down the evil that comes along. I will do my best to guide the lost and protect the found while I participate in this battle. I know that forgiveness is hard, forgetting is impossible, but holding onto the pain and heartache was only making me miserable.
I was able to stay strong. I have even become stronger in my faith through this past year, even without closure. I have a good support system in place to field my questions, concerns, hurts and anything else that comes up. For me, some bitterness comes through once in a while, but for the most part is gone. I don't think an apology is enough, but the forgiveness is already there. I have fought my demons (and continue to fight them daily) and know that others, even pastors, have their own battles to fight. I understand that we are all sinners and will continue to sin. I, however, will own my own decisions and know that the past choices I made were forgiven on a cross a long, long time ago.
I will continue to pray for those in BDM that are struggling and in pain. That they can find the closure they so desperately seek. That they can find peace and contentment in their hearts.
I will continue to pray that the church for people that don't do church will decide to feed the sheep that look to them for food. I will continue to pray for a radical change in their hearts to properly teach the gospel before it is too late. Eric Dykstra is showing a change of heart. Trusting it is another matter. Time will tell, but I am hoping he is moving in the right direction. I pray they are protected in their quest to turn the church into a more Biblically sound place to worship.
I will continue to just pray knowing that no matter what has happened or why, in the end, this has only made me stronger.
Jen
Acts 20:28-30
28 “So guard yourselves and God’s people. Feed and shepherd God’s flock—his church, purchased with his own blood—over which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as elders. 29 I know that false teachers, like vicious wolves, will come in among you after I leave, not sparing the flock. 30 Even some men from your own group will rise up and distort the truth in order to draw a following.
1 Timothy 4: 3-4
3 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will reject the truth and chase after myths.
Jude 1:3-43 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will reject the truth and chase after myths.
3 Dear friends, I had been eagerly planning to write to you about the salvation we all share. But now I find that I must write about something else, urging you to defend the faith that God has entrusted once for all time to his holy people. 4 I say this because some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.
The Bible also tells us to rebuke fellow sinners and if they repent, forgive them.
2 Timothy 4:1-2 I solemnly urge you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: 2 Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.
Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves! “If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive."
We need to fight the Devil in any way we can. We need to stay strong in our faith and shout down the evil that comes along. I will do my best to guide the lost and protect the found while I participate in this battle. I know that forgiveness is hard, forgetting is impossible, but holding onto the pain and heartache was only making me miserable.
I was able to stay strong. I have even become stronger in my faith through this past year, even without closure. I have a good support system in place to field my questions, concerns, hurts and anything else that comes up. For me, some bitterness comes through once in a while, but for the most part is gone. I don't think an apology is enough, but the forgiveness is already there. I have fought my demons (and continue to fight them daily) and know that others, even pastors, have their own battles to fight. I understand that we are all sinners and will continue to sin. I, however, will own my own decisions and know that the past choices I made were forgiven on a cross a long, long time ago.
I will continue to pray for those in BDM that are struggling and in pain. That they can find the closure they so desperately seek. That they can find peace and contentment in their hearts.
I will continue to pray that the church for people that don't do church will decide to feed the sheep that look to them for food. I will continue to pray for a radical change in their hearts to properly teach the gospel before it is too late. Eric Dykstra is showing a change of heart. Trusting it is another matter. Time will tell, but I am hoping he is moving in the right direction. I pray they are protected in their quest to turn the church into a more Biblically sound place to worship.
I will continue to just pray knowing that no matter what has happened or why, in the end, this has only made me stronger.
Jen
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Mercy and Grace
MERCY - Merriam-Webster
1 a : compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power; b : imprisonment rather than death imposed as penalty for first-degree murder
2 a : a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion b : a fortunate circumstance
3 : compassionate treatment of those in distress
GRACE - Merriam Webster
Mercy. I find this one so easy, yet so difficult. I find it easy to act with mercy toward some, but so hard with others. I am working on forgiveness. Moving on and not looking back with pain, guilt and regret, but looking forward with hope and gratitude to those who have helped me along the way.
Ok, God's Grace I have an easier time with. God's virtue given to us as a gift for our faith. He can do whatever He wants right? I love the idea of a loving God that will forgive, and move on. Showing His pleasure with small, everyday blessings, even in our roughest times. I am noticing it more and more all the time.
As a Christian, it is expected for us to act in kindness and love for our fellow man (something I strive for), even when they treat us with coldhearted indifference or outright animosity. I have seen so much Christian hypocrisy throughout my life, but the highest concentration was within a one year period at the Crossing. The same people that are proclaiming every weekend that they care for the broken then ignore them the other five days of the week. I pray for them to receive God's mercy and grace, to see their way back to the path of light. Living for the true and loving God that can and will wash it all away, if only they would ask it of Him. 1 a : compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power; b : imprisonment rather than death imposed as penalty for first-degree murder
2 a : a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion b : a fortunate circumstance
3 : compassionate treatment of those in distress
1 a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace
2 a : approval, favor b archaic : mercy, pardon c : a special favor : privilege d : disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency e : a temporary exemption : reprieve
Mercy. I find this one so easy, yet so difficult. I find it easy to act with mercy toward some, but so hard with others. I am working on forgiveness. Moving on and not looking back with pain, guilt and regret, but looking forward with hope and gratitude to those who have helped me along the way.
Ok, God's Grace I have an easier time with. God's virtue given to us as a gift for our faith. He can do whatever He wants right? I love the idea of a loving God that will forgive, and move on. Showing His pleasure with small, everyday blessings, even in our roughest times. I am noticing it more and more all the time.
It has been a difficult road to relearn the truth of what God is truly saying to us. I listened to the lies, eisegesis, and manipulative blabber and tucked it away as truth. I find that I have to rethink, reread and reevaluate EVERYTHING that is now said to me, in God's name. It is a good thing. It helps me learn for myself, everything He wants me to know. I will continue to grow stronger and learn more with each passing day, but only with God's mercy and His grace.
Jen
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
What is real?
As I am moving into my future with stronger faith, I can't help but look back on my journey and the paths I have taken into Christianity. The choices that I have made, the things I have done, some because I felt they were right and some because everyone was telling me, either directly or indirectly that I should. I don't want to make the same mistakes, so I tend to avoid everything.
It makes me wonder how many of my choices were so far off base that I need a redo.
One thing, specifically, that bothers me is this: Was my baptism as fake as the rest of it? Think about it. I was baptized by a "prophet" (1) to whom God gave a "vision" (2) to have a congregation of 20,000. A man that has "sermons" about ways to make your life better, in the bedroom, financially, in your relationships, etc. (all pop-psychology really). All things many people are wanting to hear about (3), not things that God, through His word in the bible, wants us to know. I was baptized primarily because everyone gets baptized to prove the change they are making in their lives. I didn't fully comprehend the seriousness of what I was doing. I didn't get baptized to wash away my sin and start anew. I got baptized because I believed it would be a magical experience that would instantly change me. The whole concept at the Crossing is the more you do for God, the more He will bless you. It stands to reason that if I got baptized, He would show up, right?
I need to ponder on this a bit. I hit the brakes, did an about-face and started doing what the Bible said rather than relying on what other people said. God gave me the ability to use my OWN mind and I most certainly will take advantage of that. He gave me the ability to make my own choices, based on His guidance, not be led along on a weird magic carpet ride. Seriously, the Lord pretty much gives us permission to do backsies right?(4).
I'm dusting off my bottom and trudging along!!
At least this time it wasn't my face.
Jen
(1) -- Matthew 7:15 -- Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.
(2) -- 1 John 4:1 -- Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.
(3)-- 2 Timothy 4:3 -- For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.
(4) -- Jeremiah 8:4 -- Jeremiah, say to the people, ‘This is what the LORD says: “‘When people fall down, don’t they get up again? When they discover they’re on the wrong road, don’t they turn back?"'
- Serve your heart out vs. Sit quietly and mind your own business.
- Church every weekend vs. Taking a vacation once in awhile.
- Say hi and greet everyone, so they can be saved vs. Get in and out quick before anyone talks to you.
- Bring everyone you can to church vs. Avoid church conversation at all costs.
It makes me wonder how many of my choices were so far off base that I need a redo.
One thing, specifically, that bothers me is this: Was my baptism as fake as the rest of it? Think about it. I was baptized by a "prophet" (1) to whom God gave a "vision" (2) to have a congregation of 20,000. A man that has "sermons" about ways to make your life better, in the bedroom, financially, in your relationships, etc. (all pop-psychology really). All things many people are wanting to hear about (3), not things that God, through His word in the bible, wants us to know. I was baptized primarily because everyone gets baptized to prove the change they are making in their lives. I didn't fully comprehend the seriousness of what I was doing. I didn't get baptized to wash away my sin and start anew. I got baptized because I believed it would be a magical experience that would instantly change me. The whole concept at the Crossing is the more you do for God, the more He will bless you. It stands to reason that if I got baptized, He would show up, right?
I need to ponder on this a bit. I hit the brakes, did an about-face and started doing what the Bible said rather than relying on what other people said. God gave me the ability to use my OWN mind and I most certainly will take advantage of that. He gave me the ability to make my own choices, based on His guidance, not be led along on a weird magic carpet ride. Seriously, the Lord pretty much gives us permission to do backsies right?(4).
I'm dusting off my bottom and trudging along!!
At least this time it wasn't my face.
Jen
ADDENDUM: Just to be clear, since I have had a couple inquiries, I am not interested in being re-baptized. After all, baptism itself is just a symbol of your commitment to Jesus. I will be saved by grace, through my faith. Let me say that again: I will be saved by grace, through my faith. Did you notice the period at the end. There is no "and service, works, tithing, etc" or "if you_______" or even a "but not if you are ______". Just GRACE & FAITH.
(1) -- Matthew 7:15 -- Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.
(2) -- 1 John 4:1 -- Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.
(3)-- 2 Timothy 4:3 -- For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.
(4) -- Jeremiah 8:4 -- Jeremiah, say to the people, ‘This is what the LORD says: “‘When people fall down, don’t they get up again? When they discover they’re on the wrong road, don’t they turn back?"'
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Irony
Without a trace of irony I can say I have been blessed with brilliant enemies. I owe them a great debt, because they redoubled my energies and drove me in new directions.
E. O. Wilson
E. O. Wilson
The irony of today just hit me.
My last days in the cult climaxed with me being left in my car, crying, (see my first blog) by a "pastor" at the Crossing. Today, as I left church crying, in a mad rush just to get away...a pastor followed me to my car to make sure I was OK. Even though I was in no shape to talk and couldn't look him in the eye, and he was due to preach any second - - he stood outside my car and prayed for me, wished me well and expressed care and concern over my well being. As the irony of today settles in, it makes me feel peaceful. It gives me hope that everything will really be alright.
Thank you PTS
Jen
Thank you PTS
Jen
Homonyms.....kind of.
I need to tell myself to stop and realize that things that sound the same may not always be the same. Just because it has the same title, doesn't mean it has the same meaning or evil purpose behind it.
Trigger: Sermon topic (It happened to be the same topic of the first Crossing series I ever attended)
Reaction: Try not to run like a crazed lunatic with the hounds of hell after me.
Aftermath: The crash of guilt and shame for jumping to a conclusion that, at this point, I have absolutely no reason to assume is correct. My rational mind says that I was wrong to assume and that I should hear people out and judge them based on what I have previously heard from them, but then my irrational mind is screaming "Run, they are all the same".
I took a step outside that box and realized today that if I continue to respond in irrational ways, cut myself off from friends, refuse to get close to anyone else, let triggers run my life, listen to my irrational self, then they WIN. In case anyone doesn't know, I can be a very sore loser.
At Crossing Church, it was all church focused and if you weren't church focused, you were not a good Christian. You would never be told "Well done, good and faithful servant" if you didn't serve your brains out. We were expected to cut everyone out of your life that wasn't Crossing focused, or spoke against what the church was doing or the way they did it. We were expected to constantly try to recruit more people to come to church. At every turn, everything that you didn't do for the Crossing was something that would ultimately damn you to the burning pit. Every sermon seemed focused on one of the following:
Since I have left Crossing, I have heard good, biblical sermons from numerous pastors. Sermon titles and the different, subtle things that are similar tend to still make me cringe. What can I do to get past this and move on? I guess only time will tell, but from here out, I am going to make an effort stop and take a moment to listen before I run.
Jen
Trigger: Sermon topic (It happened to be the same topic of the first Crossing series I ever attended)
Reaction: Try not to run like a crazed lunatic with the hounds of hell after me.
Aftermath: The crash of guilt and shame for jumping to a conclusion that, at this point, I have absolutely no reason to assume is correct. My rational mind says that I was wrong to assume and that I should hear people out and judge them based on what I have previously heard from them, but then my irrational mind is screaming "Run, they are all the same".
I took a step outside that box and realized today that if I continue to respond in irrational ways, cut myself off from friends, refuse to get close to anyone else, let triggers run my life, listen to my irrational self, then they WIN. In case anyone doesn't know, I can be a very sore loser.
At Crossing Church, it was all church focused and if you weren't church focused, you were not a good Christian. You would never be told "Well done, good and faithful servant" if you didn't serve your brains out. We were expected to cut everyone out of your life that wasn't Crossing focused, or spoke against what the church was doing or the way they did it. We were expected to constantly try to recruit more people to come to church. At every turn, everything that you didn't do for the Crossing was something that would ultimately damn you to the burning pit. Every sermon seemed focused on one of the following:
- Money (and how much you should be giving in order to get a blessing)
- Bringing people to church (because they will go to hell and it will be your fault)
- Sex (constantly having sex with your spouse is biblical or you are in sin)
- Serving (again, if you don't serve properly or with everything you have, that one person that you didn't treat right on Sunday will have a bad experience and go to hell and it WILL be your fault)
I heard, through a fellow blogger, that Easter was a good, biblical, Christ-centered sermon. I pray that they continue down that path. Keep it up so the Crossing will change and it can be positive place for everyone.
Since I have left Crossing, I have heard good, biblical sermons from numerous pastors. Sermon titles and the different, subtle things that are similar tend to still make me cringe. What can I do to get past this and move on? I guess only time will tell, but from here out, I am going to make an effort stop and take a moment to listen before I run.
Jen
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